My “Support for the Cuban People” Itinerary
Day 2:
6:00 am: Woke up, said pledge of allegiance and sang “Star Spangled Banner,” taught our hosts the words to the Preamble.
7:00 am: Handed out MAGA hats at a Havana synagogue along with Depends undergarments we brought with us from the US (saved one pair for each of us depending on how long we may be kept in dentition at the Miami airport).
8:00 am: Had breakfast with our hosts, taught them how to say grace in American.
9:00 am: Told our hosts about the benefits of tariffs, tax cuts for corporations, and private medical insurance that doesn’t actually pay for anything.
10:00 am: Coached our son and practiced what we would say when separated by the authorities at Miami airport.
11:00 am: Had hernia surgery that I could not afford in the states, only mention it because my surgeon also doubles as a cab driver and I paid him $20 to drive me back to my casa particular.
12:00 pm: Met with Fifi, FooFoo, Ooolala, and Gaston regarding their bed and breakfast. Told them about the internet, drew pictures in the sand (not on the beach) of what a WiFi connection looks like.
1:00 pm: Prayed in the direction of Mar-a-lago with peasant children. Gave maps of Kenya to a local pre-school to burn along with pictures of Barack Obama.
2:00 pm: Rescued an orphanage from a fire I started.
3:00 pm: Late lunch with our hosts. Told them how they could improve their Cuban sandwich by adding white bread and mayonnaise.
4:00 pm: Showed our casa particular hosts how pages of the Mueller Report could be used as toilet paper for their future guests.
5:00 pm: Had total emotional breakdown in the bathroom of a small family owned restaurant. Gave them the number of a contractor I know.
6:00 pm: Thought about killing myself. Um, told the locals about the internet again?
7:00 pm: Told a fifth-generation mason about sheetrock. Gave him direction to a Home Depot in South Carolina.
8:00 pm: Went to a concert by Buena Vista Social Club, told them how they could improve their music with synthesizers, electric guitars, auto-tune, and a music video of scantily clad teenage girls.
9:00 pm: Washed, prepared for possible cavity search at Miami airport.